My crash course on SF for visiting friends, family, and whoever

So you’re coming to visit San Francisco, eh? Is it to walk across Golden Gate Bridge? Tour Alcatraz? Ride the historic Cable Cars? Or maybe, just maybe, you’re coming to visit me.

Great!... but what are you going to do when you get here? I mean, I’m entertaining, but you probably want to do touristy stuff, and to quote my hipster friend you haven’t heard of, I’m over it. Plus I might have to work, which means you’re on your own. So here’s a crash course in SF.

First things first: Have you packed a sweater and jacket?

No? Well pack it! "But it’s 'Sunny California'"? Doesn’t matter. The “California” you’re thinking of is 5 hours and 36 min south of here. In the Bay, and especially in San Francisco, it’s chilly and foggy most of the time. You actually don’t even need shorts. You can bring a pair if you REALLY want, but you better as hell have some pants and a sweater or jacket regardless of time of year.

While you’re at it, throw in those comfy walking shoes, you’ll be doing more walking than you’re used to and there are hills here.

If you’re coming from Austin, and I know a lot of you are, there isn’t really a “6th street” here. Sorry to burst your bubble. San Francisco is broken up into neighborhoods, and really likes to celebrate the fact. Each neighborhood has its own personality. I’d link you to the Bold Italic Neighborhood breakdown, but basic geography is going to be more important anyway. OK, see this map? Learn it so that when I say "head to the Mission" you know what that means:

Moving on. Hopefully we are making plans to hang out, but you might still have a day to kill while I’m at work. That’s when I send you to all the tourist tra... er.. landmarks! Depending on where you are staying I recommend the following basic lineup:

  1. Start in the Castro - You can have breakfast/brunch there!
  2. Take the F Line Down Market Street - You did pick up a 3-Day clipper pass at any of the Walgreens right? If you’re coming from NYC, “Market” is our “Broadway.” Get off at Powell, easily identified by all the retail stores and people.
  3. Ride the Trolley Car Powel/Hyde Line all the way - Congrats, you’re now in step with a huge number of fellow tourists. (I actually haven’t done this, and there might be a line. Let me know.)
  4. Get off at Ghiradelli Square - Oh, look! is that the Golden Gate bridge? Snap a selfie or two then start walking along the water headed west (away from the bridge.) You can stop in the Ghiradelli store and grab a free chocolate if you want.
  5. Just an FYI, it’s probably lunch time by now, I can’t recommend ANYTHING near where you are. Good luck!
  6. Head to Pier 39* - Presumably you are now walking through a sea of tourists, and thanking me for making you wear those comfy walking shoes. What you’re going to eventually see is a whole bunch of Sea Lions blubbering about. Once you’ve had your fill. Hop back on the F Line headed the same direction you were walking.
  7. Ride along the Embarcadero all the way to the Ferry building - “The Embarcadero” is that boardwalk street you’ve been walking along. The Ferry building is where Market Street hits the Embarcadero. It’ll be the clock tower on the left.
  8. You’re now probably quite tired. Well, good news, you’re pretty much done for the day. You can continue taking the F all the way back to the Castro, or wherever. There’s a train station (either BART or MUNI) that can probably take you in that direction. It might also be dinner time, and maybe I’m free to join you!
*Don’t bother buying any tourist stuff here. For the same stuff at a much cheaper price, head over to Chinatown.

I haven’t been able to test this route out myself, but I’m pretty sure it’s doable. If you need more, you could wander around the Presidio, walk barefoot along one of the beaches, climb Twin Peaks, “zone out” at Dolores Park, or go to Golden Gate Park. If you need less, I’d say skip the cable car and keep riding the F all the way along the Embarcadero. Also, here’s another map, of the whole Bay Area. If you have even more time to kill, you could ride the ferry over to treasure island and go for a hike, or something.

You might want to also make sure you have a google maps app handy (iOS users, you should know better than using apple maps anyway.) Also, pick up an app called “Transporter." So far, it’s the only free app I’ve found that gives accurate information about public transit arrival times.

Hopefully we’ll be able to get together while you are here, but if not,  I hope you’re now more equipped to entertain yourself (survive) for at least a day. Enjoy your flight, and welcome to SF!